12 Pounds Gone, 23 More Pounds to Go!

I'm still waiting for the weight to drop off...


I started this diet on March 20 --- that's 10 weeks ago.  I've lost 12 pounds so far.  Which is not as much as I wanted, but not bad either.  I'm a third of the way to my goal of  35 pounds by the time I get on that cruise ship in November.  At 35 pounds less than I was on March 20, I will still be a plus size - but I will be a smaller plus size.  I will still have another 35 (or preferably 50) to go before the wedding, but I'll cross that scale when I get to it. 


So far, I can't really see the difference - except on the scale.  But, since the fire, I only have a few clothes & most of which are stretchy - so I can't feel a difference.  However, I was more comfortable on the plane the last time I flew.  It might be all in my head - 12 pounds probably didn't change the width of my hips!  But, I'm going to let it stay in my head - it's good for my ego.


One of the things I should do, but haven't, is exercise consistently.  Logically, I know that sitting on my butt all day long only contributes to my big hips & thighs, but let's be honest - I HATE EXERCISING!  I keep trying it, thinking that some day I will like it, but I haven't found that day yet.  I try to think about the 'runners high' and think to myself - if I could just experience that 'high', I would love exercising.  Ha! Take a look at the "runners high" description below from FitDay.com:

The runner's high is a state of euphoria that is experienced by not only runners, but by anyone engaged in a vigorous workout.  Boxers and bikers have reported similar states of being, as have weight lifters, cross country skiers and rugby players.

The high itself is variously described as a feeling of well-being, to being one with the world or to a total out of body experience. It is typically related to longer periods of vigorous exercise rather than shorter, easier workouts, possibly due to the stress the body undergoes as the major muscle groups begin to run short on glucose. The experience of the high also seems to rely on the individual makeup of the runners themselves, with some experiencing it at 5 miles, while others must run 20 before the euphoric feelings kick in.

Just so all is clear, I am never going to run 5 MILES, not to mention 20!  I am never going to be a boxer  - which, by the way isn't a sport, it's just angry people acting a fool; a weight lifter - the only thing I want to lift at this point in my life are grand children; a cross country skier - I hate the cold as much as I hate exercising; or a rugby player - because according to the rugby blog, this is a 'full contact' sport - which means hitting and tackling - and if someone hits me, I will not handle it well.


So, how oh how am I going to loose weight?  I know it is possible because #1 - I did it before; and #2 - I can scientifically prove:

 fewer calories + increased metabolism (i.e. more exercise) = weight loss.

So, I guess I will have to eat fewer calories AND exercise consistently - UGH! 


I will pat myself on the back and say that I have mastered the fewer calories part of the equation.  Now I have to master the more exercise part.  And that means walking!  Boring - but apparently critical to my success. 

I'll start at 20 minutes a day and build up to 60 minutes a day.  That isn't going to burn a ton of calories - but it is better than nothing...and the diet plan I am following actually suggests I start with 15 minutes a day (guess they are concerned that more than 15 minutes might cause us non-exercisers/couch potatoes to have a heart attach - LOL).  So as long as I keep my calorie intake low, I will still loose weight. 

The goal: LOOSE 1 POUND PER WEEK.


The cruise is 24 weeks away...


Keeping up my current pace, I'm on target to lose 35 pounds, (or more!) by November 10!


Wish me luck!!!! I'm going to need it!

:-)

Waiting for the Weight To Drop...

I'm waiting for the weight to drop off.  Most days I get on the scale praying for some miracle to happen... I'm praying that the 70 pounds I gained years ago will magically disappear & I can get my clothes on!  Well, so far, I've been getting on the scale for 8 weeks - every day while I am home...Some days I'm thrilled (those are the days that the scale is moving in the right direction).  Other days, I'm aggravated - when for the past 2 days I'd eaten salad & hard boiled eggs, yet I've GAINED weight!  Then there are the days I'm just resigned to "well at least I didn't gain any weight".  On my best days, I think "I've already lost ____ pounds & I only need to loose an average of one pound per week to get to my goal. Thus far, I've lost 11.6 pounds - not bad for 8 and a half weeks - but with summer coming and our wedding in 2013, every now and again I get nuts!  So I started thinking about why... after all, I don't remember Don saying "I will only marry you if you loose 70 pounds"...

Weight & women is such an odd phenomenon in this country.  The sixties ushered in anorexic thin, while the 40s and 50s pin ups portrayed women with hips and breasts (imaging that -a woman with hips and breasts!).  Now we are in the 20-teens and while all the mass media claims to tout "healthy" as the way to be, I don't see it in the pictures. 



Really?  She is Plus Size?  REALLY????

Recently, I saw this photo of Rachel Ray  and the commentary said she was "Plus Size"!  Really, this is plus size?  Now no doubt about it, I AM plus size - but this picture portrays a 'plus size'?  How ridiculous! 

The pressure to be thin - to maintain the body of an athletic 16 (or younger) year old girl is silly...

I am 50.  And unless I work at it very, very hard, AND have bariatric surgery, I'm NEVER going to have my 16 year old body back.  And while I want and need to loose weight to be HEALTHY, I don't think I want my 16 year old body back.  That body was "cute" and insecure.  Today I want a body that reflects sophisticated, mature ('wise' not 'old), approachable, easy going, attractive & graceful.  At 16 I was none of those things!  Perhaps my fat has made me realize that these qualities are really better and much more important than "thin thighs".

At 50, 3 sons, a daughter in law, 3 grand children and 1 on the way, I think I've earned some of my fat! (Notice I said 'some" - even I realize this is way too much fat!).  I raised my sons into wonderful young men... I made the best home for my boys that I could...I worked as hard as I could to succeed in my chosen career... I've said "oh crap, I can't believe I made the same mistake again!" many times, but never gave up trying to get better... I ate Ramen Noodles when they were babies, trying to keep the roof over our heads and ate Ramen Noodles when they were older trying to pay tuition bills... YES, I've earned some of my fat!  I believe that 10-15 pounds over the "ideal" weight should be considered compensation for getting to 50 - yet alone getting to 50 after raising 3 children on my own!

In 2013, I'm getting married.  I'll walk down the aisle, (or around a wooded path - I haven't decided about this wedding thing yet ) with my brother at my side.  I won't be a svelte size 10, I won't have deep brown hair with natural red highlights.  I won't have thin thighs - luckily I'm not getting married in pants! LOL.  But ---

• I will have... Gray around my temples and maybe streaming through my hair that will be done just so by "the little girl at church who does my hair".  Those grays will remind me of the hardships of the past & to be thankful for all today & tomorrow gives
• I will have... Wrinkles around my smiling eyes and lips - signaling that "I have enough experience to get this right this time"
• I will have... Three sons, and the loves of their lives with my grandchildren sitting right there with smiles on their faces - proud of & happy for, their mom. 
• I will have... My brother, who helped raise me before and after my mother was gone; who, with tears in his eyes told me "mama died" and every day after that, he allowed her love for me to radiate through him. 
• I will have... My best friend - who when I said "This is never going to work" &" I'm going to be miserable forever & I guess I deserve it" &" I just can't" she always said "God's got a plan, just pray" & "you deserve someone good who loves you - God's working on him" and "of course you can".
• I will have... A body that while not "cute",  hopefully will be seen by Don as "beautiful".
• I will have... A man who I love and who loves me - fat & all!  

Yes, I'm still waiting for the weight to come off.  I am going to exercise while I am traveling to nudge that scale in the right direction... I'm doing this because for all the things I have today - a loving fiancé, family, and friends, a nice home, a good job - I am grateful.  And I want to take care of myself so I can continue to experience them all. The most prevalent lesson of the last few weeks was and continues to be: TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED TO ANY OF US!

So, I continue to wait for the weight to come off but I know that when I'm 'done with this diet' - I will still have 'fun fat' - and that's okay.  And the "thin thighs"... well, I'll just have to wait for heaven to experience those again.

Putting Humpty Together Again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again 


Ever feel like poor Humpty Dumpty?  I feel like I am living in Humpty right now!      


We had an electrical fire in the attic after lightening struck our home.  Yup - lightening!!!! 

Since the lightening strike, I've been in insurance hell!  And the house smells like a camp fire.  My nose  & eyes hurt when I'm here with windows closed.  And while I can't usually smell much, I can smell this horrible smell quite well (it figures!).  The 'cleaners' came to get our clothes to dry clean them & they took EVERYTHING!  They even took the clothes out of the hamper!  They took every curtain, sheet, blanket, wash cloth, towel - they even took my shoes (leather pumps & boots)! Strangely, they didn't take our pillows - and the pillows STINK!

We have electric in only half the house.  Luckily for everyone who comes in contact with me, I can plug in my coffee pot - since this process would try the patience of Job!

Today, we have gotten estimates for the electrical  work so the electric will be fixed soon.  Then the reconstruction of Humpty can begin.  Cleaning, painting, re-carpeting...& finally I can get my stuff back!  This is a long process. 

Through out this situation, I've been looking for the lesson in this craziness.  I'm still not sure what the lesson is, but I have a few ideas:
#1 - I should stop complaining that Don can smell anything within a mile of wherever he stands!  Without that nose of his, we might be dead!
#2 - I should review my insurance policies every time something changes.  My deductible is huge (at least to me)
#3 - I should be more thankful for this home God allowed me to obtain - it could be taken away very quickly
#4 - Delaware - that I laughingly used to call "Mayberry RFD" is still Mayberry RFD -  and I'm thankful for the 'small town' that it is full of concerned and giving neighbors, and a fire department and police department with a great response time
#5 - Considering I've been wearing the same few outfits that were "luckily" in my suitcase when the cleaners came - apparently, I don't need nearly as many clothes or shoes as I thought! (LOL)
#6 - I should focus every day on how lucky we are to be in this home, in this neighborhood, with our family & neighbors. 
#7 - Unlike all the king's horses and all the king's me, the contractors will be able to put this Humpty together again! 
The air around me might stink, but ...

LIFE

IS

GOOD!

Act Like A Baby

I was offered a new opportunity today & instead of leaping at it, I second guessed myself.  "I can't take that on", I thought.  Now looking back, I see that my attitude was defeatist.  Time has taught me that the more I doubt myself, the more afraid I become of the unknown.  But it really shouldn't be that way... 

Look at any baby learning to crawl or  walk. and no matter how many times they "fail" they always try again... Look at any toddler determined to figure out those 'child proof' locks. Given enough time, we usually determine that 'child proof' isn't really meant to keep children out - since the toddler just opened your cabinet and took out all the pots and pans!  Babies and toddlers are optimistic about almost every thing!

The rest of us 'learned' grownups should take a hint from the short people in our lives and pursue the impossible.  Every day! 

After all, babies don't know that they "can't" do something,  They believe they can do anything! 

What freedom there must be in believing so fully in yourself that you can follow your heart.   Contentment with life would probably move up a category or two to JOY with life!

So OK, I've decided I am going to act like a baby!

The Honeymoon

So based upon a recent post, I am definitely freaking out a little about being married again.  And I can't be nuts until September 2013, so... instead of focusing on being married & a wedding - neither of which am I  confident that I will do well - I will focus on the honeymoon - because "traveling" - yup, that's my thing!

So far, I've thought about going to New York City (of course!), Turks & Caicos Islands, France , England, Italy and just recently Niagara Falls! 


I am leaning towards Niagara Falls for a few reasons...

First...I can say I went to NY- LOL! 

Second...Niagara Falls is the quintessential honeymoon spot.  Our hotel room could overlook the falls. ..Very romantic. :-) 

Third & most important...Niagara Falls is God's creation... God alone.  And, I so want God to be the creator of our marriage. 

Note to self - "God's In Charge - REALLY"

I stayed away from church for a few years.  Life was - well - life; & church wasn't on my agenda.  Eventually I went back--- first to St. Mary's (so wonderfully close to my home), but eventually I decided to go back to The Community of Holy Rosary & St. John the Evangelist (HRSJ).

A lot had changed since I had left.  My beloved Jesuits had left.  A diocesan priest had been assigned.  Through email, I knew that drama had been in full swing for a while.  I am allergic to drama so I was going back on a trial basis... I wasn't going to get involved in activities, I was simply going to go back to "go to mass amongst family" & go home. 

I remember my first mass back... I looked up at the processional and saw a very young man in the role of priest.  I thought "hmmm... that's nice, he must be visiting".  Mass was underway and his homily was meaningful and funny.  To be honest, I don't recall what it was about, but I do remember that I laughed & I felt the warmness of Jesus' words while I sat and listened to this "little boy priest".  Eventually I learned that he wasn't a visitor, but he was actually the PASTOR!!!!  "OMG", I thought, "This is a child!  The bishop sent us a child to run a parish that needs an adult to steer this ship!  Well, I guess the rumors are true.  The bishop has sent someone to close the parish.  Oh well, that's what happens to small, poor parishes". And so, I resolved, I would attend until the parish closed.  I would not fuss or argue because we weren't the first to close, and we would not be the last to close... that's what happens when you don't have enough priests.

Well, time's marched on since that day.  HRSJ isn't closed.  It's growing! And the "little boy priest" is still there, running the show & steering the ship.  He's made quite a good captain (and priest, of course!).  And while in my minds' eye he will probably always be a "little boy priest", he is far from a 'little boy'.  He is loving, he is kind, he is spiritual... but more important (to me) is that he is intelligent and mature beyond his age.  He knows when to speak & when to listen.  He is flexible.  He has taken time to get to know the parish family. 

I'm glad I went back.  Even though I don't get back every week, it is good to know that my "church home" is alive and well... and growing!  HRSJ is the epitome of "God in in charge!"

  

A New Beginning

On January 6, my life changed...


And every day, the change becomes more pronounced... Not in a bad way, but in a realization that I am really going to share my life with someone again.  Sharing my life with someone is something that I have wanted for more than 10 years, yet now that it is so close, I am fearful...


Can I do this?


How do I go from "me" to "we"?


What about our separate 'stuff'?  Does it all become "our" stuff?


Do I know how to be a wife?  Does he know how to be a husband?  And what exactly do those nouns mean?


Life is ever changing all around me.  Some days I feel in total control & on other days, I feel like I'm simply on for the ride!