Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Act Like A Baby

I was offered a new opportunity today & instead of leaping at it, I second guessed myself.  "I can't take that on", I thought.  Now looking back, I see that my attitude was defeatist.  Time has taught me that the more I doubt myself, the more afraid I become of the unknown.  But it really shouldn't be that way... 

Look at any baby learning to crawl or  walk. and no matter how many times they "fail" they always try again... Look at any toddler determined to figure out those 'child proof' locks. Given enough time, we usually determine that 'child proof' isn't really meant to keep children out - since the toddler just opened your cabinet and took out all the pots and pans!  Babies and toddlers are optimistic about almost every thing!

The rest of us 'learned' grownups should take a hint from the short people in our lives and pursue the impossible.  Every day! 

After all, babies don't know that they "can't" do something,  They believe they can do anything! 

What freedom there must be in believing so fully in yourself that you can follow your heart.   Contentment with life would probably move up a category or two to JOY with life!

So OK, I've decided I am going to act like a baby!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Honeymoon

So based upon a recent post, I am definitely freaking out a little about being married again.  And I can't be nuts until September 2013, so... instead of focusing on being married & a wedding - neither of which am I  confident that I will do well - I will focus on the honeymoon - because "traveling" - yup, that's my thing!

So far, I've thought about going to New York City (of course!), Turks & Caicos Islands, France , England, Italy and just recently Niagara Falls! 

I am leaning towards Niagara Falls for a few reasons...

First...I can say I went to NY- LOL! 

Second...Niagara Falls is the quintessential honeymoon spot.  Our hotel room could overlook the falls. ..Very romantic. :-) 

Third & most important...Niagara Falls is God's creation... God alone.  And, I so want God to be the creator of our marriage. 

Note to self - "God's In Charge - REALLY"

I stayed away from church for a few years.  Life was - well - life; & church wasn't on my agenda.  Eventually I went back--- first to St. Mary's (so wonderfully close to my home), but eventually I decided to go back to The Community of Holy Rosary & St. John the Evangelist (HRSJ).

A lot had changed since I had left.  My beloved Jesuits had left.  A diocesan priest had been assigned.  Through email, I knew that drama had been in full swing for a while.  I am allergic to drama so I was going back on a trial basis... I wasn't going to get involved in activities, I was simply going to go back to "go to mass amongst family" & go home. 

I remember my first mass back... I looked up at the processional and saw a very young man in the role of priest.  I thought "hmmm... that's nice, he must be visiting".  Mass was underway and his homily was meaningful and funny.  To be honest, I don't recall what it was about, but I do remember that I laughed & I felt the warmness of Jesus' words while I sat and listened to this "little boy priest".  Eventually I learned that he wasn't a visitor, but he was actually the PASTOR!!!!  "OMG", I thought, "This is a child!  The bishop sent us a child to run a parish that needs an adult to steer this ship!  Well, I guess the rumors are true.  The bishop has sent someone to close the parish.  Oh well, that's what happens to small, poor parishes". And so, I resolved, I would attend until the parish closed.  I would not fuss or argue because we weren't the first to close, and we would not be the last to close... that's what happens when you don't have enough priests.

Well, time's marched on since that day.  HRSJ isn't closed.  It's growing! And the "little boy priest" is still there, running the show & steering the ship.  He's made quite a good captain (and priest, of course!).  And while in my minds' eye he will probably always be a "little boy priest", he is far from a 'little boy'.  He is loving, he is kind, he is spiritual... but more important (to me) is that he is intelligent and mature beyond his age.  He knows when to speak & when to listen.  He is flexible.  He has taken time to get to know the parish family. 

I'm glad I went back.  Even though I don't get back every week, it is good to know that my "church home" is alive and well... and growing!  HRSJ is the epitome of "God in in charge!"


Friday, April 6, 2012

A New Beginning
On January 6, my life changed...

And every day, the change becomes more pronounced... Not in a bad way, but in a realization that I am really going to share my life with someone again.  Sharing my life with someone is something that I have wanted for more than 10 years, yet now that it is so close, I am fearful...

Can I do this?

How do I go from "me" to "we"?

What about our separate 'stuff'?  Does it all become "our" stuff?

Do I know how to be a wife?  Does he know how to be a husband?  And what exactly do those nouns mean?

Life is ever changing all around me.  Some days I feel in total control & on other days, I feel like I'm simply on for the ride!